So tired

Seriously. Yesterday, at the airport, was exhausting. Having to get up early and go back was even worse. I am completely worn out. I just want to hide under my desk and take a nap. That is not going to happen. And we have that show tonight too, which will make me even more tired tomorrow. Y'all should be glad you don't work with me!

Good things:

1. Casey made it to Utah safely. She just called me. I miss her more than ever.
2. Brian said that he laughed out loud last night at the airport while listening to my iPod when "Rock Lobster" as sung by Peter Griffin played. Too funny!
3. Casey and I got some yummy Bath & Body Works stuff while we were waiting at the airport last night. On sale - buy one, get one free. I got Frozen Daiquiri and she got Pomegranate Martini.
4. We also had Max + Erma's while we were waiting at the airport.
5. Three blogger updates in two days. Wait, is that good?

Bad things:

1. I miss my kid. And she's gone for almost a whole month.
2. I'm extra whiny today. So whiny I'm getting on my own nerves.
3. I just realized that I will probably be at least 10 years older than everyone else at the show tonight. Except Brian, I'm only three years older than he is.

More good than bad. I'll stop now.

If I complain later about having a stomach ache, someone please remind me that I just ate a two-day old scone and it's my own dumb fault.

Casey didn't get to leave last night. Her flight was scheduled for a 7:15 pm departure to Nashville and then on to Vegas. We were informed at the gate that the plane to Nashville was coming from Baltimore and that there was really bad weather in Baltimore that was causing a delay. And by the time the plane got in, we weren't sure if she would be in time to make her connection in Nashville. We rescheduled her for a 7:45 am flight this morning, which actually worked out better for her because it was a direct flight. It was not so good for me, because it made for a hectic morning. Plus, you know...she's gone for a month and that's never good for me.

I'm tired. We're going to a NIN concert tonight too.

• Casey's leaving tonight for a month. To visit her dad. He doesn't deserve such a great kid. Seriously.
• I am extremely nauseous right now. Can't decide if it's because I'm upset because the kid is leaving or if it's because I ate my lunch from yesterday that should have been in the freezer but wasn't.
• I keep having weird cravings. Like right now...I want grapefruit juice, which I don't even like. And earlier today, at around 8:30 this morning, I wanted a rum and coke.
• No, I'm not pregnant.
• Yes, I'm sure.

best husband ever

I got this for my birthday!!!



The black one, and it's engraved on the back with the sweetest message. I know...my birthday isn't until tomorrow but it came in today and he couldn't wait. I swear it wasn't my idea. I wanted to wait but he was so excited and it was so cute I couldn't resist :) Love it, love it, love it! Can't wait to get some accessories and some new songs. I just won a $10 iTunes gift card from Blingo a couple of weeks ago. My first two purchases = Hips Don't Lie by Shakira and Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera.

He really is too much. I don't deserve him.

I had a very strange "Sex and the City" dream last night. I dreamed that Samantha married a gay guy so his parents wouldn't know that he was gay. They had a great apartment with a loft that had a big glass window divider thing. It looked like the box seats at a concert. She somehow got pregnant and at their baby shower, he spent the whole time up in the loft with his boyfriend. His parents noticed and the jig was up.

I guess the dream itself isn't that weird. In fact, I could see that happening if it was Charlotte instead of Samantha. I'm just surprised that I had a "Sex and the City" dream at all. I probably haven't even seen more than ten episodes total and I wouldn't exactly call myself a fan. I have no idea where any of that came from. Oh well, at least it was a pretty entertaining episode :)

yikes

It just hit me earlier today that I will be 38 in exactly one week. Wow. Inching closer to 40 every day...

um, congratulations

So Brian and I have been home sick for the last two days. Sooooo sick, my body aches from all the vomiting, sorry if that's too much information. There's more to share, but I'll keep that to myself. We both feel a lot better, but I could use a couple more days off. At least this is a short week for me. I'm taking Friday off because my aunt and uncle will be here for a long weekend. Can't wait to see them!

I pretty much slept all day Sunday, which should have been the first clue that I was getting sick. I thought I was just worn out from my hellish week. Also we had been out late Saturday night, celebrating my youngest brother's marriage. Apparently he got married on the 3rd and they had a party on Saturday night. He called to tell me about it Saturday afternoon, about 3 hours before it started. But that really is just how he is so I wasn't offended. We had a nice time, met a lot of their friends. I've always liked his new wife, we're so happy for both of them.

Tired, and sore. I just wish I could sleep for the next 48 hours. Hannah is getting her senior pictures taken Friday afternoon. I'm so excited about that!!! Too bad she's not. I keep telling myself she'll be glad to have the pictures when she's older. I really do believe that. And I bet she'll enjoy herself once we get there :)

It's not okay to scream at work, right?

This week has been completely exhausting, between finding out about my co-worker and dealing with my parents, I feel like I'm about to drop. It doesn't help that we keep getting emails about the trust fund for the kids and the funeral and requests for help with the meal afterwards. Each new email about Angie brings tears to my eyes. It's just too much. It's just too tragic.

The people in my row are helping with the gathering after the funeral tomorrow, which is really very nice of them. The problem is...I'm so tired of hearing them talk about it like it's a goddamn picnic. Maybe that's just their way of grieving but it's making me want to scream.

I won't be going to the funeral, and not just because the service is being held in a church. I just don't think I can handle that right now, can't imagine seeing her husband and her parents and witnessing their grief. Plus my parents are coming over for dinner so we can help them with their paperwork after Brian makes us a delicious dinner. My plans for Saturday night? Beer, and lots of it.

bad day

Yesterday sucked. I came in to work to the news that one of our co-workers had passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. She was about 34-years old, married with two very small children. I don't know a lot of the details about what happened, but I was told that it was a brain aneurysm.

She was such a great person, always helpful and so funny. She had an amazing sense of humor, she made me laugh every single time I talked to her. I will really miss her a lot.

The whole day just dragged and was emotionally draining. Everyone here is in shock and so many people are devastated. I should have gone home and gone to bed, I really did feel like it. But instead, we went to my parent's house to drop off some paperwork. Bad idea.

My stepdad spent the whole time ranting about the Social Security department and all the paperwork they've been getting. He kept talking about how bad my mom's condition is and how frustrated he is trying to get some help for them. Then he started in on her, kept asking her questions that he knew she didn't know the answer to and kept looking back at me when she couldn't answer as if to say, "See what I'm talking about?"

I just wanted to say, "We get it. We know. Leave her alone." He's always arguing with her when he knows he's right and she's wrong. Why? Just let it go and move on. It's not worth it and no amount of arguing is going to make her better. To make it even worse, Casey was with us and got to witness the whole thing. I hate it when he does shit like that in front of her.

It's upsetting, because it's so pointless and he isn't well either and should just calm the fuck down about it. But he doesn't get that, he always has to be right, he always has to be in control of things. He's not used to not having his own way about everything and it pisses him off having to depend on us for anything. I just don't know what to do.

My aunt, my mother's sister, is coming out for a long weekend in a couple of weeks. It will be so nice to see her. She has a way of taking charge and getting things done. Maybe she'll be able to make him see that he's just spinning his wheels every time he fights with her. At least if she sees him do it, she'll tell him off. And he does seem to listen to her, more than he listens to the rest of us anyway.

I need a vacation. And probably some valium.

Is this the cutest dog ever or what? We took the girls to the pet store to play with dogs Saturday night and this one was my absolute favorite. She slept in my arms while we walked around the store and was adorable and sweet. I could visit her every day and if she didn't cost $3,880 we would have taken her home.

We ended up having a pretty busy weekend in spite of having very few plans. I pretty much ran errands all day Saturday because my better half was slightly hung-over and really tired :) I tried to tell him to slow down but he didn't listen. It didn't help that people kept buying him drinks either. Saturday evening we had his dad, stepmom and grandpa over for dinner. He made yummy grilled chicken and a bunch of grilled vegetables, I made potato salad. The weather was perfect, sunny but with a nice cool breeze. We sat outside for about two hours just talking and laughing and watching the girls play with the neighbor's dog, Cinnamon. It was a great night.

Today both kids had to work and Casey spent the night at my sister's house so we had a nice quiet evening. Brian has just taken over the television so instead of watching American Dad, we're watching something on SciFi. I have no idea what.

update?

Exciting events coming up: our nephew's graduation party is tonight followed by an evening at the infamous Alrosa Villa. I'm so happy that Columbus is smoke-free. I love not smelling like an ashtray after a night out.

I think that's pretty much all that is going on this weekend. Yay! Lots of nothing to do and two whole days to do nothing besides some housecleaning and scrapbooking. Sounds like a great weekend to me. I really do need to work for a few hours tomorrow. My week has been f'ing crazy.

How boring that last paragraph makes me sound. Oh well, "boring" is pretty much accurate. The most exciting thing that happened this week is that I got a new CD clock radio thing as a reward for five years of service at my work. It's so cool! The LED display changes colors and has brightness control, which I am in love with. This morning we woke up to "Tropicalia" by Beck from Mutations. It's very exciting.

Oh! I haven't talked about my sunburn yet. Still ouchie, but getting better. Man, I'm lame. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz...

Memorial weekend recap

Friday afternoon, we saw the new X-men movie. Loved it!!! I am a super hero freak, big-time, and I especially love the X-men. So many surprises, including the one we missed after the credits.

Saturday, we spent most of the day at Easton Town Center with Casey. It was a gorgeous day and we had a lot of fun. I took the most beautiful picture of Casey in front of the big fountain:



She's growing up so quickly, it makes me sad sometimes. But I'm really proud of her, she is turning into a lovely young lady.

Saturday night Brian went to the recording studio with my brother-in-law and Casey and I watched movies with my sister. We saw The Family Stone and Cheaper By the Dozen 2. Good stuff, we had a nice time.

Sunday morning we watched Brian's niece's softball game. She is the youngest player on the team but she's actually very good. They won the game 16-2, I think. That afternoon we had a cookout with my sisters and their kids. It was almost 90 degrees out but we have a big walnut tree in our yard for shade. Still, I was pretty uncomfortable because I got a big fat sunburn on my arms at the ball game. I thought we had sunscreen in Brian's car but we didn't. So I sat in the sun for an hour and a half with no protection and my arms are fried.

Brian got sunburned too, but his legs are the worst. We're both in pain today and have been trying to take it easy, but still...ouch. Work is really going to suck tomorrow. I'll be so busy, hopefully my sunburn will feel better in the morning.

loving life

Things are so great right now. I wish everything could stay like this forever. Work is good, the kids are doing well, Brian and I are as in love as we ever have been. Family things aren't terrible, the weather is perfect and money is okay too. What more is there?

The two oldest kids have jobs! At the new Quizno's in our town and at Kroger. We're so proud of both of them.

School is almost out (six more days) and we have a long weekend coming up. The new X-men movie starts on Friday and we're planning to go as soon as the kids get home from school. Everyone is so excited to see it.

I've been feeling very crafty lately, doing a lot of scrapbooking and taking a lot of pictures to scrapbook. I decorated a lucite frame that I got from my work in celebration of my five years here. It had the company logo etched into the top left corner. Bleh. I covered that up with a big pink fabric flower, added a few other things and now it's beautiful.

I put a picture of all three kids in it. I would guess that the picture was taken ten years ago. It's so cute! I did take a picture of the frame, of course, and I'll try to post it later tonight so you can admire it's adorableness :)

Casey is going to Utah in about a month and maybe Hannah is going to Boston if she can get the time off from work. Stephen has no plans for the summer, just working and hanging out with his friends I guess. That's cool. I don't plan on doing much more than that myself.

this week so far

It's been an interesting week. On Monday, I started reporting to my new manager. This is extremely good news. I sit in a completely new area and he is very supportive and just great. I am really happy about the change, and my new neighbors are so nice :)

I got a form from the Social Security Administration regarding my mom's disability claim, which sucks. It's a bunch of questions about her daily activities and what she can and cannot do since becoming sick. I'm not allowed to tell her about it or ask her to answer any of the questions. I'm nervous that I'm going to say the wrong thing and mess this up. I truly believe that she is no longer capable of working and deserves to be on disability. Her condition is getting worse and worse. Just the other day, she got lost driving from her house to my house because she couldn't remember where we live. I've put off filling out the form for a few days, but they need it back by next week. Bleh.

Hannah and I had a meeting yesterday about her underage drinking violation. Lots of fun. She isn't going to have a court date, which is great news, and the charges against her are not going to be filed, which is also great. She was put into what the juvenile probation department calls the "Diversion Program" because this was her first offense and it was not a felony or violent crime. So, she has to write an essay for the program director and do eight hours of community service and get a job within 60 days and she's done. What an ugly paragraph that was. In fact, the whole morning was unpleasant. But I'm sure the whole situation will end well for Hannah, and that's what's really important.

okay, so I had a great Mother's Day. I got this from Hannah, and this from Casey. Stupid blogger wouldn't let me post the picture I took :(

Brian made me a yummy breakfast on Sunday, which was very sweet and delicious. We visiting all our mommies and it was uneventful and pleasant. We pretty much hung out at home all weekend, I love it when we get to do that.

mother

So Mother's Day is coming up. I really have mixed feelings about this "holiday." I love it because I am a mom, and I love the cards and the hugs and the presents (there, I said it) and the extra-special treatment. I hate it because I'm also a daughter and my feelings about my own mother are so complex and fucked up.

We've never had a traditional mother/daughter relationship. Most days she was the one who needed to be taken care of. And with her Alzheimer's getting worse every day, I know that all the issues I have with her will never be resolved. All the things I should have told her years ago will never be said. I never saw the point before and I definitely don't now. The best thing I can do for us both is to resign myself to the fact that it is as good as it's going to get.

They don't make a card that says, "It's okay, I managed to survive somehow anyway." And all the "wonderful mother" posts are making me depressed. Can I please just spend the weekend in bed?

We had such a great weekend! The weather here in Ohio was beautiful, I think we spent the whole time outside :)

Saturday my sister came over to help us with yard work. Weeding the flower beds and cleaning out the strawberry patch, trimming hedges and mowing the lawn. It was a lot of work but it was actually fun! Our nephew came over too and kept us all entertained while we worked outside.

That evening we went to her house for a seafood cookout. She grilled tilapia and shrimp, Brian made scallops wrapped in bacon. Man, was it delicious. We sat outside until it was dark, drinking some beers and wine. It was a great night, but it did get a little chilly.

Casey was gone the whole day. She and the rest of the middle school choir members took a trip to Kings Island for a choir competition. Three of their choirs (including hers) got first place, which was really exciting for them. She had a great time and was completely worn out when she got home.

Sunday we had a cookout for my parents anniversary, my stepdad's birthday, my sister's birthday and Mother's Day. It was another beautiful day once the sun came out and almost everyone from my side of the family was there. I took a ton of pictures (about 60) and Brian made a ton of food, which I took a picture of :) It was really great and the last few people left after 7pm.

The only downside was that I may have gotten a little too much sun. My lips feel sunburned and my arms and face are a little pink. Nothing terrible, just a small amount of discomfort, but totally worth it!

just some stuff

• That vanity plate I saw the other day (GOP4ME) is stupid. Made even more stupid by the fact that I read it as: Go pee for me. At least my way was funny.
• Vanilla yogurt looks like mayonnaise. That kinda grosses me out. But it is delicious if I close my eyes while I'm eating it and don't really think about it too much:)
• Everyone who drive the same roads as me sucks. I really could almost hate them. I'm just trying to get to work or home, people. Back the fuck off.
• Casey is going to an out-of-town Choir Competition this weekend. She'll be gone from 7am to 11pm on Saturday. I know she's going to have a great time but I'm really going to miss her.
• I have a Stewie Griffin postcard that says "I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless." I brought it in to work today and it is amusing me quite nicely. I want to put it up on my cubicle wall but I'm afraid people will think that I like them.
• Saturday the 6th is National Scrapbooking Day. I don't know what that means.

I am super bored. Is it Friday yet?

crap weekend

It's been forever since I haven't had a good weekend. I guess I was due for one. Not that it has been so terrible, but nothing really great has happened either.

Brian wasn't feeling well when he came home from work on Friday. I have no idea what was wrong with him. Bad stomach pains without nausea or any other symptoms? No clue. He spent the rest of the night and half of Saturday in bed. Nothing we did made him feel any better, which completely sucked. We were supposed to go out Saturday night but he still wasn't feeling well so we didn't make it. It was disappointing because he was supposed to play a few songs with the band. I do love seeing him onstage, probably as much as he loves being there.

The girls and I went to Borders Friday night for coffee and book shopping. I bought some Mother's Day presents and Hannah found the gift that she wants to get me. Coincidentally, she wants it too. Casey spent the rest of her birthday money on two books, which she has already finished reading.

Saturday was spent taking care of Brian and running a few errands. I was planning on coming to work for a few hours but didn't make it due to lack of sleep Friday night. Plus I didn't want to leave Brian with the girls while he wasn't feeling well. Not that they can't take care of themselves, but I didn't want him to have to worry about anything.

So I stayed home yesterday, which means I'm at work today instead. At least it's quiet! And Brian is finally feeling better, so that makes me happy too. I'm getting a lot done, in spite of spending time on Blogger :)

I know

I'm getting really bad about updating my blog. I'm not really sure why. There's a lot going on at home right now, some bad and some good. Mostly good, of course, so that might be the problem :) I blah more when I'm upset, in real life and here. But that's no excuse. Then again, who really cares whether I post or not? A handful of people at most.

No big catastrophes, no secrets left to spill really. I guess there are a couple, but nothing earth shattering or life changing. Just everyday life, which in my case, tends to be pretty boring. We work, we eat, we sleep. We spend time with the girls, with our friends, with each other. We laugh, we worry, we love. It's incredible and ordinary at the same time. And I wouldn't want it any other way.