Terrible weekend, just terrible. Friday started out well enough. Left work at 12:30 and Brian took the afternoon off, which was cool. I took the kids to lunch and we ran some errands. That night the girls went with us to Best Buy and Borders for a little shopping. We came home and had dinner and watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Good times.

Saturday morning was okay too, pretty uneventful. Saturday afternoon Casey and I went to a baby shower, for a 17-year-old. Not cool. But I figured she needed all the gifts and good wishes she could get so we went. It was strange, because almost everyone was trying to act normal, even though we were all thinking the same thing.

That night, we went out to the pizza place we went to last weekend because my brother-in-law's band was playing there. And that is where things started going downhill. The band sounded great, the boys were having a good time on stage. Brian played two songs with them and was awesome, as always. Why these boys haven't asked them to join the band is beyond me.

Lots of their peeps showed up, including some that had never been to a show before and some that hadn't been in forever. We were all having a good time, drinking some beers and enjoying the show and things were going great until right after the first set.

My older brother and his wife were there, sitting at the table right behind us. She is a first-class bitch, always has been. It didn't help that my brother was completely drunk. I guess he started earlier in the day and didn't stop when they showed up. Usually this is bad, sometimes he's not a nice drunk. But he was behaving himself, just having a few drinks and watching the show like the rest of us.

I guess she was ready to go before he was, which wasn't a problem for any of us. The earlier she leaves, the better. The problem was that she wanted him to drive them home. Even though he was pretty much trashed and their daughter was waiting to be picked up at my house. He didn't want to go yet and they ended up having a really loud screaming and cussing match right at the table. It was lovely.

They must have realized that we were all watching them because they took it inside to the bar. Someone else told me what was going on and that she wanted him to drive so I followed them inside to try to talk some sense into both of them. That is the polite way of saying that I was there to kick her bitchy ass if she tried to make him drive anywhere. When they did leave, they went to my house to pick up their kid and she started yelling at my kids and ordering them around and it really pissed me off. At least Brian finally got to see her true colors, she's always so nice to him and he always scolds us for being mean to her. Now he knows she deserves everything she gets. Bitch.

That wasn't enough to ruin my evening though, although it definitely did it's part. About an hour later, my new sister-in-law showed up. Crying. And asked me to go to their house and pick up my brother and take him anywhere else but there. I guess they've been fighting for the last week or so because he decided that he didn't really want to be married anymore. Yes, the brother who just got married in June.

She said that he hasn't been coming home at night and he's been really mean when he has showed up. Apparently he pushed her up against the wall the other day when they were arguing and she said that she couldn't handle it anymore. I don't really blame her, I know how he can be.

So my other brother and I got in the car and drove over to their house. He was passed out on the couch and when I woke him up, he said he wasn't leaving. The house is hers so she has the right to tell him to leave and when I told him that he said that we would have to call the police if we wanted him to leave. When I said that I didn't want to call the police on my own brother, he got up from the couch, threw over the coffee table and stormed out of the house. He got into his truck and drove off without saying a word to anyone. We picked up the table and cleaned up the mess and were standing at the back door, getting ready to leave when his truck pulled back into the driveway.

He got out of the truck and headed towards the door. I asked him what he was doing but again he didn't say anything. She disappeared as soon as he showed up. He stormed through the house, checking all the rooms. I thought he was looking for something and kept asking him what he needed. He just kept walking around until he opened the closet door in their bedroom. She was crouched down on the floor, hiding.

He didn't touch her but yelled at her that she had no right to involve his family in their problems. He called her terrible names, threatened her and then spit in her face. He started to leave and then turned around and tried to go after my other brother, who had followed her into the room and was standing to one side. Luckily I was between them and was somehow able to keep them apart. He took off again and I haven't talked to him since.

We convinced her that she shouldn't stay at the house so she packed a bag and went to a friend's for the night. We drove around to a couple of places we thought he might be and then gave up for the night. I took John back to the pizza place and told Brian that I was going home. He couldn't leave because he had peeps there too, including his sister, so I went home alone. I didn't want my brother to show up without me being there. The kids had been through enough adult drama already. I didn't think he would come over, but I wanted to be there just in case. John filled Brian in on what had happened and the rest of the night was uneventful.

Sunday was okay. We didn't do much, met friends of ours who are getting married in two weeks to pick up Brian's outfit for their wedding. We did the grocery shopping and spent the rest of the day at home.

I'm still reeling from being in the middle of those horrible examples of the marriages in my family and from seeing my brother treat his wife the way he did. I can't get it out of my head. I'm so tired from not getting much sleep the night before last. I didn't sleep very well last night either. I need to call my brother and make sure he and his wife are okay. I need to call my bitchy sister-in-law and tell her to go fuck herself. Okay, so I won't do that second one. But I'd like to.

I heart my iPod

I love Sade. That song...King of Sorrow from Lover's Rock...wow. That part where she says "I have already paid for all my future sins." I love that line. There are songs from that CD that I could listen to for days. And that thing about having paid for future sins, me too.

Shitty morning today. I woke up late, and was an hour late to work. Stopped at Starbucks on the way and got a terrible-tasting Caramel Macchiato. It was raining as I drove in, and the umbrella was not in my car. I had to park a mile away from the day since I was late and I spilled my yucky coffee on my shirt as I walked into the building in the ice cold rain. After I got here I found out that my checking account is overdrawn, no idea how that happened. And blogger is being an asshole.

Glass half-full stuff: the girls are both home from their vacations. I didn't really have to park a mile away. It's 12:15 so morning is over. I get to leave work at noon:thirty tomorrow. We have good plans for this weekend.

nothing much...what's new?

My apologies to the one person who reads this thing for not updating more often. My head is just spinning and it's hard to make it stop long enough to put things down in writing.

Casey is coming home tonight. Her flight gets in at 11:45pm. And I have the day off tomorrow so we can sleep in and spend the day laying around the house, so yay! I feel like I haven't had a day off in forever, which is probably not true. Poor Brian has to work. I feel bad for him.

Work has been kicking my ass lately. I've been doing a special project in hopes of getting some sort of bonus for completing it quickly. We'll see. I could really use the extra money right now too, for Hannah's senior pictures. This year is really going to cost us I think. But she is worth it and we're really proud of her.

Speaking of Hannah, she will be back from Colorado tomorrow night. I hope she is having a good time. There are lots of kids her age to hang out with but she doesn't really know them and isn't always the most outgoing kid. But even if she spends the whole time with my aunt, she'll have more fun than she would at home. I can't wait for her to be back, even though she only left on Friday. I hate not seeing them every day. I'm lame, I know.

We had a few friends over on Saturday night for a cookout. It was a lot of fun. The weather was gorgeous, it was sunny but breezy out. Perfect. We had chicken and steak kabobs, salmon, salad, rice and a few other cookout foods and margaritas. Yum!! Later that evening we went to a local pizza place to listen to the band that was playing out on their new patio. My brother-in-law's band is playing there this Saturday so he wanted to check out the sound and space and stuff.

That was a lot of fun too. We had a few beers and listened to the kick-ass girl singer. I personally had a few too many beers so I spent Sunday doing a bunch of nothing. It was awesome, except for the headache. And for some reason my back hurt. That sucked. So did the fact that the boy drank the rest of the margaritas Sunday night. Damn him.

I have way too much shit going on right now. Bleh. I mean, it's not all bad, but there's just so much of it. I'm feeling very weighed down by all of it.

Took my parents to a doctor's appointment for my mom on Friday that took 2 fucking hours. Crazy. And while we were waiting, my stepdad felt like it was a good time to drop a huge bombshell on me. Didn't I say that I knew there were a bunch of family secrets that no one wanted to tell me but that I was cool with not knowing? NOT KNOWING. It's big, so big. Shocking and yet at the same time, not really. I haven't even talked to Brian about it yet. I don't know what to do with it either. Tell the rest of the family? My brothers have a right to know too. See what I mean? Too much shit.

And yeah, I really needed to hear that my dad abused my mom when they were married. I like the way he called him "her first husband" instead of saying that it was my dad. I can't decide if my stepdad just needed to tell someone else these things or if he's punishing me because he's pissed that my mom is going to visit her mom next week without him. His choice, totally, but I'm the one who made all the arrangements for her to go so maybe this is his way of getting back at me for it. I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm tired. It's been an insane weekend and I'm starting to crack under the strain of it. On the positive side, I did talk to Casey today. It was so healing and uplifting to hear her voice and laugh. She's having a great time and she's bringing home a manual typewriter. She decided before she left that she wanted to get one. She wants to be a writer, pretty cool to write stories on an old typewriter I think.

I spent hours cleaning up her room today. Literally, hours. She's such a little pack rat and hates to throw anything away, including gum and candy wrappers and water bottles apparently. It's tradition for me to clean her room out while she's gone. It was nice though, because so many of the things in her room just really fit her perfectly. It made me feel like she wasn't really that far away. She has about forty of those colored metal bangles that she wears all the time and she stores them around a bottle of bubbles, it's so perfectly Casey. Bracelets wrapped around bubbles. I love it.

I'll have my kid back in twelve days. That is waaaay too far away for me. Nobody, not even Brian, understands how hard it is for me to be away from her for a month. And I haven't talked to her in more than a week.

I hate this...

Writing it down helps me remember

-: I forgot to get new tags for my car after my birthday. I remembered that I hadn't done it yet when I saw a Sheriff's car driving behind me on my way to work this morning. No, he didn't pull me over. I need to get to the BMV right after work today. I hate that. One year I forgot to get them and didn't remember until September. Next year, someone please remind me before my birthday to get new tags.

+: We picked up Hannah's proofs for her senior pictures on Thursday. They are gorgeous. We ended up with 36 proofs, which we have to narrow down to 5. So far, we've got 16. It's going to be so hard to pick just 5 but we'll get it done. We have them until the 19th so that gives us plenty of time to decide.

-/+: Today is Hannah's follow up appointment with the Juvenile Probation lady. This should be our last meeting there. She has written her essay, done her community service and I assume she has the money for her fines. I'll be very glad when this is all over, which it should be after today.

+: The kids bought me an FM transmitter for my iPod as a late birthday present. How sweet is that? Now I can listen to it in my car, yay! It was completely unexpected and I was very touched and happy and proud of them. They really are good kids.

+: We saw Superman Returns on Friday. I liked it a lot. Then again, you know how I love all superhero movies. And as Brian said during the movie, Kate Bosworth is way hotter than Margot Kidder.

summer storm

So I was going to ask Brian to take a walk with me after dinner tonight, because I really need to get my ass moving again and because because our town is so nice and quiet. Unfortunately, my plans got changed by a really bad storm. I was on my way home from work and had to stop at my sister's house to pick up the panini grill. Brian called right when I got there and told me to stay put because the weather was pretty scary.

He said that the tornado sirens were going off, the dog was freaking out and a bolt of lightning hit the walnut tree in our backyard. It's the neighbor's tree, but a lot of it hangs over into our yard. We have to pick up a lot of walnuts. I took pictures of course:



That is our garage, and our barbecue grills. There are bits of tree all over the yard. Here's a closer view of the damage:



and:



Brian said that when it hit, there was a really loud noise and when he got to the back sliding door to check it out, the yard was full of smoke. Somehow the lightning strike made our automatic garage door not open. I don't know how that happened.

The dog's leash is tied up to that tree. It hangs from a hook that was in the tree when we moved here. We think that might have been what attracted the lightning:



The leash was one of those vinyl coated, steel cable ones. It used to be coated with clear vinyl. Now it's burned to a crisp:



It was all waaaaay too close for comfort. I'm glad none of the kids were home, especially Casey. She hates storms enough as it is. I hope the tree is okay.

Nothing new to blog about, just wanted to post this picture of me and Brian. Because I like it.



I slept in until 12:30 today. I finally feel like I got enough sleep. I can't even remember the last time I slept in that late without being ill. It was freakin' sweet!

So tired

Seriously. Yesterday, at the airport, was exhausting. Having to get up early and go back was even worse. I am completely worn out. I just want to hide under my desk and take a nap. That is not going to happen. And we have that show tonight too, which will make me even more tired tomorrow. Y'all should be glad you don't work with me!

Good things:

1. Casey made it to Utah safely. She just called me. I miss her more than ever.
2. Brian said that he laughed out loud last night at the airport while listening to my iPod when "Rock Lobster" as sung by Peter Griffin played. Too funny!
3. Casey and I got some yummy Bath & Body Works stuff while we were waiting at the airport last night. On sale - buy one, get one free. I got Frozen Daiquiri and she got Pomegranate Martini.
4. We also had Max + Erma's while we were waiting at the airport.
5. Three blogger updates in two days. Wait, is that good?

Bad things:

1. I miss my kid. And she's gone for almost a whole month.
2. I'm extra whiny today. So whiny I'm getting on my own nerves.
3. I just realized that I will probably be at least 10 years older than everyone else at the show tonight. Except Brian, I'm only three years older than he is.

More good than bad. I'll stop now.

If I complain later about having a stomach ache, someone please remind me that I just ate a two-day old scone and it's my own dumb fault.

Casey didn't get to leave last night. Her flight was scheduled for a 7:15 pm departure to Nashville and then on to Vegas. We were informed at the gate that the plane to Nashville was coming from Baltimore and that there was really bad weather in Baltimore that was causing a delay. And by the time the plane got in, we weren't sure if she would be in time to make her connection in Nashville. We rescheduled her for a 7:45 am flight this morning, which actually worked out better for her because it was a direct flight. It was not so good for me, because it made for a hectic morning. Plus, you know...she's gone for a month and that's never good for me.

I'm tired. We're going to a NIN concert tonight too.

• Casey's leaving tonight for a month. To visit her dad. He doesn't deserve such a great kid. Seriously.
• I am extremely nauseous right now. Can't decide if it's because I'm upset because the kid is leaving or if it's because I ate my lunch from yesterday that should have been in the freezer but wasn't.
• I keep having weird cravings. Like right now...I want grapefruit juice, which I don't even like. And earlier today, at around 8:30 this morning, I wanted a rum and coke.
• No, I'm not pregnant.
• Yes, I'm sure.

best husband ever

I got this for my birthday!!!



The black one, and it's engraved on the back with the sweetest message. I know...my birthday isn't until tomorrow but it came in today and he couldn't wait. I swear it wasn't my idea. I wanted to wait but he was so excited and it was so cute I couldn't resist :) Love it, love it, love it! Can't wait to get some accessories and some new songs. I just won a $10 iTunes gift card from Blingo a couple of weeks ago. My first two purchases = Hips Don't Lie by Shakira and Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera.

He really is too much. I don't deserve him.

I had a very strange "Sex and the City" dream last night. I dreamed that Samantha married a gay guy so his parents wouldn't know that he was gay. They had a great apartment with a loft that had a big glass window divider thing. It looked like the box seats at a concert. She somehow got pregnant and at their baby shower, he spent the whole time up in the loft with his boyfriend. His parents noticed and the jig was up.

I guess the dream itself isn't that weird. In fact, I could see that happening if it was Charlotte instead of Samantha. I'm just surprised that I had a "Sex and the City" dream at all. I probably haven't even seen more than ten episodes total and I wouldn't exactly call myself a fan. I have no idea where any of that came from. Oh well, at least it was a pretty entertaining episode :)

yikes

It just hit me earlier today that I will be 38 in exactly one week. Wow. Inching closer to 40 every day...

um, congratulations

So Brian and I have been home sick for the last two days. Sooooo sick, my body aches from all the vomiting, sorry if that's too much information. There's more to share, but I'll keep that to myself. We both feel a lot better, but I could use a couple more days off. At least this is a short week for me. I'm taking Friday off because my aunt and uncle will be here for a long weekend. Can't wait to see them!

I pretty much slept all day Sunday, which should have been the first clue that I was getting sick. I thought I was just worn out from my hellish week. Also we had been out late Saturday night, celebrating my youngest brother's marriage. Apparently he got married on the 3rd and they had a party on Saturday night. He called to tell me about it Saturday afternoon, about 3 hours before it started. But that really is just how he is so I wasn't offended. We had a nice time, met a lot of their friends. I've always liked his new wife, we're so happy for both of them.

Tired, and sore. I just wish I could sleep for the next 48 hours. Hannah is getting her senior pictures taken Friday afternoon. I'm so excited about that!!! Too bad she's not. I keep telling myself she'll be glad to have the pictures when she's older. I really do believe that. And I bet she'll enjoy herself once we get there :)

It's not okay to scream at work, right?

This week has been completely exhausting, between finding out about my co-worker and dealing with my parents, I feel like I'm about to drop. It doesn't help that we keep getting emails about the trust fund for the kids and the funeral and requests for help with the meal afterwards. Each new email about Angie brings tears to my eyes. It's just too much. It's just too tragic.

The people in my row are helping with the gathering after the funeral tomorrow, which is really very nice of them. The problem is...I'm so tired of hearing them talk about it like it's a goddamn picnic. Maybe that's just their way of grieving but it's making me want to scream.

I won't be going to the funeral, and not just because the service is being held in a church. I just don't think I can handle that right now, can't imagine seeing her husband and her parents and witnessing their grief. Plus my parents are coming over for dinner so we can help them with their paperwork after Brian makes us a delicious dinner. My plans for Saturday night? Beer, and lots of it.

bad day

Yesterday sucked. I came in to work to the news that one of our co-workers had passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. She was about 34-years old, married with two very small children. I don't know a lot of the details about what happened, but I was told that it was a brain aneurysm.

She was such a great person, always helpful and so funny. She had an amazing sense of humor, she made me laugh every single time I talked to her. I will really miss her a lot.

The whole day just dragged and was emotionally draining. Everyone here is in shock and so many people are devastated. I should have gone home and gone to bed, I really did feel like it. But instead, we went to my parent's house to drop off some paperwork. Bad idea.

My stepdad spent the whole time ranting about the Social Security department and all the paperwork they've been getting. He kept talking about how bad my mom's condition is and how frustrated he is trying to get some help for them. Then he started in on her, kept asking her questions that he knew she didn't know the answer to and kept looking back at me when she couldn't answer as if to say, "See what I'm talking about?"

I just wanted to say, "We get it. We know. Leave her alone." He's always arguing with her when he knows he's right and she's wrong. Why? Just let it go and move on. It's not worth it and no amount of arguing is going to make her better. To make it even worse, Casey was with us and got to witness the whole thing. I hate it when he does shit like that in front of her.

It's upsetting, because it's so pointless and he isn't well either and should just calm the fuck down about it. But he doesn't get that, he always has to be right, he always has to be in control of things. He's not used to not having his own way about everything and it pisses him off having to depend on us for anything. I just don't know what to do.

My aunt, my mother's sister, is coming out for a long weekend in a couple of weeks. It will be so nice to see her. She has a way of taking charge and getting things done. Maybe she'll be able to make him see that he's just spinning his wheels every time he fights with her. At least if she sees him do it, she'll tell him off. And he does seem to listen to her, more than he listens to the rest of us anyway.

I need a vacation. And probably some valium.

Is this the cutest dog ever or what? We took the girls to the pet store to play with dogs Saturday night and this one was my absolute favorite. She slept in my arms while we walked around the store and was adorable and sweet. I could visit her every day and if she didn't cost $3,880 we would have taken her home.

We ended up having a pretty busy weekend in spite of having very few plans. I pretty much ran errands all day Saturday because my better half was slightly hung-over and really tired :) I tried to tell him to slow down but he didn't listen. It didn't help that people kept buying him drinks either. Saturday evening we had his dad, stepmom and grandpa over for dinner. He made yummy grilled chicken and a bunch of grilled vegetables, I made potato salad. The weather was perfect, sunny but with a nice cool breeze. We sat outside for about two hours just talking and laughing and watching the girls play with the neighbor's dog, Cinnamon. It was a great night.

Today both kids had to work and Casey spent the night at my sister's house so we had a nice quiet evening. Brian has just taken over the television so instead of watching American Dad, we're watching something on SciFi. I have no idea what.

update?

Exciting events coming up: our nephew's graduation party is tonight followed by an evening at the infamous Alrosa Villa. I'm so happy that Columbus is smoke-free. I love not smelling like an ashtray after a night out.

I think that's pretty much all that is going on this weekend. Yay! Lots of nothing to do and two whole days to do nothing besides some housecleaning and scrapbooking. Sounds like a great weekend to me. I really do need to work for a few hours tomorrow. My week has been f'ing crazy.

How boring that last paragraph makes me sound. Oh well, "boring" is pretty much accurate. The most exciting thing that happened this week is that I got a new CD clock radio thing as a reward for five years of service at my work. It's so cool! The LED display changes colors and has brightness control, which I am in love with. This morning we woke up to "Tropicalia" by Beck from Mutations. It's very exciting.

Oh! I haven't talked about my sunburn yet. Still ouchie, but getting better. Man, I'm lame. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz...