I don't know how to tell you things you don't want to hear so I usually don't. Because every time I do, you respond with that tone that makes me want to kill myself.

notes to self

• It's not smart to eat Cheetos while wearing a white shirt.
• You're too old to giggle like a 13-year old boy when your iPod plays Pussy Control.
• It's for his own good.

Why do I write these things? I never listen to me.

I hate it when people conduct personal conversations at work that last for more than a minute. And I hate it that they don't try to keep it to themselves. I don't want to hear you bitching about your soon-to-be ex for ten fucking minutes. It's none of my business, I'm not interested in the slightest and I wish you would just the hell up.

This post is brought to you by a major lack of sleep and the number 8.

Fighting with the boy. Again.

So yeah...first he gets arrested a few weeks ago. For underage drinking again. We don't see him for a week because he was in the county lockup. He lost his job while he was there, wracked up more community service time and more court costs and fines. Since he got out, he's basically been sitting around the house playing computer games instead of doing any community service or finding a damn job. So this morning I told him to find a job or a new place to live by the end of the week. He doesn't say anything back. When I called home after school to talk to the girls, he answered the phone and hung up on me. I called again, talked to the girls, and he hung up again when I tried to talk to him. By the time I came home from work, he was already gone with a friend of his. Brian noticed that one of the picture frames above the desk was empty. It used to have a picture of him and Hannah in it. After checking around the rest of the house, I realized that he had taken all the pictures of himself out of the picture frames and scrapbooks. I'm done. I'm tired and beaten and hurt and I feel sick. He wins. I'm a shitty mom and everything that is wrong with him and everything that goes wrong in his life is all my fault. I don't know what to do with him. If I did, I would do it. I'd do anything to help him, anything that he needs to grow up and move forward and be an adult. I can't do it alone though, and he doesn't seem to want any of those things anyway. I guess maybe he'll figure it out some day. Until then, I have to let go. It's just so fucking hard.

I just got back from lunch with Brian and I miss him already. Pathetic, I know. Seriously though, I cannot spend enough time with that wonderful husband of mine.

Man, this week has been crazy so far and it's only Wednesday. First of all, I was sick all day Sunday and Monday. Bleh. Of course I had some of our lovely new wine Saturday night and can't even think about drinking any of it yet. Funnily enough, it doesn't taste that great the second time. I had to miss steak and lobster at my sister's house on Sunday, because I was too scared to eat any seafood. I mean, I still went but didn't eat too much. Dammit.

The girls went back to school on Monday. That was a little hectic. Monday morning was especially crazy but everything went well. It was kinda' fun to try and get back into our routine. I've gotten too used to have the bathroom to myself in the morning. No more of that for a while!

Casey had to go to the dentist yesterday for a filling and to get sealant on her new teeth. She had a really weird reaction to the shot and couldn't stop shaking for about ten minutes. It was a little scary actually. It went away though while we waited for it to take effect and she was talking up a a storm in the chair. The hygenist was laughing at how talkative she is, silly kid.

Tomorrow we're going school supply shopping, that is always fun. Target has such cute things for girls. They love getting their stuff there. Friday Brian is going to the recording studio with my brother-in-law and we might be going out afterwards to watch a band that wants him to play a few songs with them. Not sure if that is Friday or Saturday, but I can never get enough of watching Brian onstage.

Okay so that last statement I made may have been a little harsh. And untrue. There are a few exceptions to the "my husband, my kids" thing. Stew, my nieces and nephews, Mick, Judy and Keith. Otherwise, you're on your own :)

Six bottles of Sweet Catabwa wine are on their way to us from the lovely Heineman's Winery. Oh, it's so delicious! And we had such a great time there last summer.

Playing hooky from work on Friday to hang out with the girls and Brian and my sister, her husband and their kids. It should be a lot of fun. We're going to the movies and having a cookout. The kids all start school next week. Yay!

I'm slowly learning how to let go of things. Because, really, it's all bullshit. My kids, my husband...that's pretty much what it's all about. Everyone else can take care of themselves. It's cool as hell, this happiness thing. Why didn't I try it before?

cuz it's funny and I don't want to forget

My kids and I loooove the Simpsons. We watch it all the time, as often as it is on when we're awake. Reruns are just as fun to watch as new shows, even the ones we've seen 120 times.

Brian likes the Simpsons too, but not quite as much as me and the kids. He doesn't relate almost every situation in real life to an episode, he doesn't need to watch the same shows over and over.

Last night when I got home, it wasn't on FOX for reruns - how shocking! Casey, who was the only one in the living room, blamed it on Brian. I said that it must have been him because he doesn't love the Simpsons.

He was in the kitchen making dinner but heard us and said that he did love the Simpsons. Casey's reponse back to him was, "Then why don't you marry them?" Tee hee!!! He just shook his head, gave a big sigh and said, "Sometimes I feel like I did." Ba-zing!

Brian is an amazing cook. Seriously, he should be a chef or something. Because then he would be able to cook all the stuff he loves to make that we're too picky to eat. "We" are me and the girls. I should really encourage him to pursue that as a career, I know he would love it. And he definitely needs a new job.

Lunch today = leftover swordfish that was grilled on a cedar plank yesterday. And a baked potato. Can't wait!

fresh ink

So I got a new tattoo today.



I love love love it. It was very cool to surprise Brian with it when he got home from work. He loves it too. It's so ouchie right now though. I can't wait until it's all healed.

That's my tattoo artist in the background :)

kinda' weird

Okay, who just added 106 hits to this blog and pretty much read the whole thing without leaving a comment?

Had a good night last night. We went to see my brother-in-law's band play at Skully's even though it was a school night. I know I stayed up way too late and could really use a cup of coffee right about now. I was a little nervous about going to a show after what happened last time but everything was fine. I was pretty sad that Ian didn't make it but that was fine too. Totally understandable, all things considered.

Time for coffee...need caffeine.

I'm home from work today because I got almost no sleep last night. Getting a call at 3am from the Police Department because Hannah was caught breaking curfew didn't help. She was picked up at the park, and charged with breaking curfew and possession of tobacco. Didn't know she was smoking, so that was even more good news.

Does it ever stop?