I'm not really in the mood for a real post after yesterday so I'm just going to put up some mushy Brian stuff from my old journal. I hope no one minds. nothing makes me feel better than thinking about my husband and how much I love him.

pieces of an actual conversation. this is why people are sick of us:

when you say the words, "I love you" I think my heart actually stops beating, overwhelmed by the emotions. I need a second to take it all in, to let the feelings you create wash over me. my head gets lighter, my thoughts scatter, my eyes water a little. I take a deep breath to try to collect myself and slowly exhale as I say, "I love you too."

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I said, "could you do me a favor?" and he unhesitantly said, "anything." then I started to cry.

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the most amazing, giving, sweet, kind, thoughtful, unselfish, honest, supportive, loving, caring, perfect man I have ever met loves me. just the way I am and more than anyone else ever has. unbelievable, I know.

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me: from the very first day, I felt at ease around you. I knew you were someone special, someone I could let my guard down around, someone I could trust. and the amazing this is...I still feel that way. you've always been there for me, you've never let me down. you've supported me through probably the hardest thing I've ever been through and even when I was at my most miserable, you always made me feel better just by being by my side. thank you so much for everything you do for me, and for the children. I know I will never be able to thank you enough for the difference you have made in my life but I'm sure going to try. I love you.

him: i give all my thanks to you honey, you are the best thing to ever come into my life. i feel like my life started when i met you, and i can't wait to spend forever thanking you for it. i love you.

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questions unanswered:

you ask what I'm thinking and I usually say nothing but the truth is I'm probably thinking about how great it is to be with you.

you ask how I feel and I don't say a word but the truth is there aren't words to describe it, at least no words that don't scare me.

you ask what I want and I ask what you want but the truth is we both want the same thing, we're just too afraid to say it.

you ask why I'm with you and I say it's because I like you but the truth is it's more than that, so much more.

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I know that words are often meaningless.
I know that life is pain.
I know that the past still haunts me.
I know that will never change.

I feel like giving up sometimes.
I feel like my world is so dark.
I feel so alone when you're not here.
I feel so much better in your arms.

but I believe in our future,
I believe in the things you say.
I believe that we'll be so happy
even if the hurt never goes away.