Tuesday, May 09, 2006


So Mother's Day is coming up. I really have mixed feelings about this "holiday." I love it because I am a mom, and I love the cards and the hugs and the presents (there, I said it) and the extra-special treatment. I hate it because I'm also a daughter and my feelings about my own mother are so complex and fucked up.

We've never had a traditional mother/daughter relationship. Most days she was the one who needed to be taken care of. And with her Alzheimer's getting worse every day, I know that all the issues I have with her will never be resolved. All the things I should have told her years ago will never be said. I never saw the point before and I definitely don't now. The best thing I can do for us both is to resign myself to the fact that it is as good as it's going to get.

They don't make a card that says, "It's okay, I managed to survive somehow anyway." And all the "wonderful mother" posts are making me depressed. Can I please just spend the weekend in bed?