Thursday, April 21, 2005

is it time for a real post yet?

I don't think it's true that people don't change (not that I read anyone's "paranoid rant" or anything) but I used to think that. you know. before I had the life-changing experience of falling in love with my wonderful husband. I also used think that true love was bullshit and that there was no such thing as soulmates either.

I guess it's possible that I didn't really change, that I've just finally become who and what I always was. or maybe I just tend to adapt to my surroundings. well, that is definitely true but I think it's true of everyone. honestly though, I can't help but think that I have changed. in every way. the way I think, the way I treat other people, the things I say...I actually kind of like the person I am now. and that has never happened to me before.

I know I still have too many issues and fears. I'm still too bitter about things that happened years ago. sometimes I still question whether all the good things I have now are going to go away some day. but those things don't consume me the way they used to.

I don't live in the past anymore (even though I still visit). I make plans for the future, I take chances, I have good dreams. all I needed was for someone to see me and believe in me and accept me, flaws and all. it took 34 years to find him, but it was so worth the wait.

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