okay, here's the thing: I don't have any close friends that I can talk to about stuff. I have a few good friends that I can talk to about a lot of things, and I have a lot of superficial friends that I can talk to about superficial things. but that's it really. it's my own fault. I don't make an effort to get to know people. and I don't go out of my way to be closer to the friends I do have. so I don't have anyone to share all the important, personal stuff with, except Brian. usually that doesn't bother me, I actually prefer it. sometimes, though, there are things that I can't talk to him about, because I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him sad. and I can't always write about them here because sometimes he comes here.
so basically, I'm fucked when I have a problem. and right now I do, one that I can't talk to anyone else about. so I'm feeling pretty helpless and sad and hopeless and frustrated. and I don't really know how to fix what's wrong. I've tried, many times, but it always comes back. and I end up right where I am now, which is not good. I hate feeling like this and hate the way my mind works whenever this problem comes up. I wish I knew what to do but I'm really out of ideas.
sorry to be whiny.