Monday, April 11, 2005

stupid stuff, really.

okay, here's the thing: I don't have any close friends that I can talk to about stuff. I have a few good friends that I can talk to about a lot of things, and I have a lot of superficial friends that I can talk to about superficial things. but that's it really. it's my own fault. I don't make an effort to get to know people. and I don't go out of my way to be closer to the friends I do have. so I don't have anyone to share all the important, personal stuff with, except Brian. usually that doesn't bother me, I actually prefer it. sometimes, though, there are things that I can't talk to him about, because I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him sad. and I can't always write about them here because sometimes he comes here.

so basically, I'm fucked when I have a problem. and right now I do, one that I can't talk to anyone else about. so I'm feeling pretty helpless and sad and hopeless and frustrated. and I don't really know how to fix what's wrong. I've tried, many times, but it always comes back. and I end up right where I am now, which is not good. I hate feeling like this and hate the way my mind works whenever this problem comes up. I wish I knew what to do but I'm really out of ideas.

sorry to be whiny.

6 comments:

Todd S. said...

because I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him sad. and I can't always write about them here because sometimes he comes here

um. wow. I have actually had this feeling myself (although, not necessarily about Brian).

The rest of your post makes me feel sad for the situation you are in (or for your feelings that accompany it), and hope that you do find a way to work through it.

so. um. yeah.
I guess that didn't really help much, did it?

Chick said...

Michelle, you shouldn't have to feel this way...e-mail me...maybe I can help?

I was going to e-mail you...but I don't think you have your address posted here...or do you?

Dick said...

I'm with Chick, you need some one to bounce things off of I'll be happy to listen. Chick is good to talk too also. If you really would like to chat or maybe want a guy's perspective I'd be more than happy to help you out.
Either way hang in there and know there's always people willing to help you out.

Michelle said...

thanks for the kind words, everyone. you are all very sweet.

chick and dick, I may take you up on your offers. be afraid!:)

ginger said...

I'm that way alot. I've learned the hard way about telling my problems to friends; sometimes I'll get over them, and they still dislike whoever is involved, etc. etc. The blog is no longer a private place to vent either unless you have a totally anonymous one.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better.

Ben said...

Michelle, I'm sooooo with Chick and Dick on this one. If ever you need to talk, e-mail me! C'mon! It'll make you feel good! Plus, as you know, I'm a teacher at a boarding school responsible for seventh- and eighth-graders in class and 14 eighth-graders on dorm, so I'm practically a therapist, anyway! -Ben