thanks everyone, for your sympathy and support. I really appreciate all the kind words. things at work are slowly getting back to normal, which is quite a relief after last week. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday are all tied for the worst work days I've ever had. each one was difficult and exhausting in its own unique way. I spent the weekend not doing a whole lot, other than spending time with hubby and the girls. I slept a lot, and reflected a lot. and even though I still feel the loss of my friend, I've made peace with the fact that she is gone.
I still have a lot of guilt though, everyone here that was close to her does. we all regret that we didn't do more to reach out to her when we knew she was having personal problems. we regret not recognizing that she was depressed to the point where she thought suicide was the only option.
we met with a grief counselor on Friday, who said that people who commit suicide don't usually do it as a spur of the moment decision. that they think it out, plan it out and then carry it out later, when the opportunity arises. I'm not sure I believe that. and I wonder if maybe the thought that it was inevitable is just a ploy to make the rest of us feel better. so we can sleep better at night thinking, "even if I had called her on Tuesday, it wouldn't have made a difference." I don't know...
her family was not from Ohio so there is no funeral for us to attend. I think some of her friends here might be holding a small memorial service some time this week. it will be nice to be able to say goodbye. and I think she would have liked that.