Thursday, March 02, 2006

I should have posted this yesterday.

The thing about self-injury is that the pain and blood and scars actually provide a small measure of relief from all the negative thoughts and feelings that drive a person to self-injure. It's a little like shutting your hand in the car door to forget about your headache for few minutes. A "normal" person would just take some aspirin. Someone like me might feel like she wasn't worthy of an aspirin, she might think that the headache was the least of what she deserved. Other people don't get that. Lucky them. It's not a pleasant thought process.

And lucky me, I don't think like that very much anymore. Not that I don't still have negative thoughts about myself, but now I also have a few positive ones to reflect on instead. I have the love and support of someone who has made me realize that the past isn't important anymore. He's given me the ability and desire to live in the present and look forward to the future. It's such a wonderful gift, possibly the most valuable thing he's given me so far. I'll never be able to pay him back for that, no matter how hard or how long I try. That won't stop me from trying though :)