Brian and I watched part of the George Lopez comedy special Sunday night as I was falling asleep. it was funny to me because he was talking about his family and the weird things that Hispanic people generally do and say. like calling hot dogs "weenies" and how the kids aren't allowed to talk back to the adults so they just walk away muttering hateful things under their breaths. there was other funny stuff too but these are the ones that really reminded me of my childhood. good childhood memories are hard to come by. not that it was all bad, but the good stuff is waaaaaay overshadowed by bad stuff.

being Hispanic is not usually something I spend a lot of time thinking about. it doesn't come up very often for me because I don't look like a typical Hispanic person. my skin is very pale, my eyes are green, I know little to no Spanish. it's easy to understand why people are surprised to hear that I am not actually "white".

the rest of my family has the dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes so I imagine that they deal with the racial issues more than I do. it's not really something they have a choice about, unlike me. I can decide whether to share it or not. unless my stupid ex-husband would beat me to it. he loved to tell other people that I am Mexican. I don't know why. it was most likely the first thing he told people when describing me. jackass. not that I really care who knows but it usually creates a stereotypical image in the minds of people who have not met me. at least that has been my experience.

people tend to say dumb things when they find out. like the girl who asked if I was going to serve tacos at my wedding. what??? worse than that is when people don't know and make racist comments around me, sometimes even people of other races, which I do not understand at all. it shouldn't surprise me though, my grandparents were quite prejudiced against other races, especially Native Americans and Puerto Ricans. no point there, I just think it's interesting. and yet not.

the absolute worst though, is when people do know and still make the racist comments. it doesn't even matter if you're not talking about my race. just the fact that you are thinking and saying these things implies that you will think and say them about Hispanic people when we are not around. it should be universally understood that a person of race would not want to hear racist remarks. that would make everything a lot easier. hell, since I'm wishing for the impossible, I'll wish instead that no one would ever make a racist comment.

I don't know why I'm going on and on about this today. must be in a mood.