my family. immediate family anyway.

mom: see this post.

dad: divorced mom when I was in kindergarten. I have one faded picture of him holding me and about three memories, which sucks. we never saw him again after the divorce. my brothers and I did get one letter each from his second wife when I was in high school, telling us that he was sorry and that he missed up and wished he could have visited us. it was strange. I wanted to write to him but my grandmother shamed me out of it. I regret letting her do that. and then I lost the address so that was the end of it.

step-dad: former drug addict/alcoholic. he was a very abusive father before he got off the drugs. he and my mother started dating while I was in junior high, he was one of those guys we would see at breakfast. they broke up when he decided to go back to his wife and kids. they got back together after his divorce and moved us all in together when I was a senior in high school. they were married about a year after that. I was already married with a kid by then.

he has become quite sick these last few years. diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis, not to mention his constant smoking and the effects of years of drug abuse, are killing him slowly and painfully. I don't know what my mother will do when he is gone.

step-brother: married, two girls. a big giant of a guy, the oldest of all of us and the most irresponsible. also a former drug addict/semi-alcoholic. his drinking is under control most of the time...well, at least it's not as bad as it used to be. we have his overbearing, bitchy wife to thank for that, I suppose. he has had some problems with the law and has stolen stuff from family, including pain medication and cash. he has made me cry more times than I can count but I still love him because he has a bigger heart than just about everyone I know. he used to have a crush on me when we were kids.

me: next in line but more about me in another post.

step-sister #1: married, two boys and one girl. has more issues than anyone I have ever met, including me, which says alot. she had a horrible childhood, abusive father, uncaring, absent, neglectful mother, siblings who were favored over her at every turn. she spent time in foster homes and group homes when she was younger, is still suicidal all the time. she is the one who doesn't really like me but that's okay. I try not to hold it against her.

step-sister #2 (hee hee! number two): married, one boy and one girl. she's such an amazing person. so caring and thoughtful and supportive and just a great sister to all of us. we have always gotten along and have grown really close over the years. she is the one I would trust with my secrets and fears. I know that I could tell her almost anything and she would still love me. she has had a tendency in the past to act older than she is (a lot older!) but has really lightened up over the last two years, which she gives me credit for. not sure if I want it but she does seem a lot happier now so it must be a good thing.

brother #1: single. the middle child growing up. I should put growing up in quotation marks because I think he's still working on that. or maybe he's given up. mom's unquestionable favorite when we were kids and still today, so obvious it seemed deliberate. he was named after our dad. after my mom's second marriage, he is the one who lived with the new family. I was married already and my little brother moved in with our grandmother when we moved in with my stepdad, etc. so we kinda' left him there by himself. I feel bad about that, because it took a while before things were good there. but I couldn't have done anything to help. he changes jobs a lot, and spends more time at the bar with his friends than anywhere else. he always seems to owe me money. I don't know how that happens.

brother #2 (hee hee! number two): divorced, one boy who he doesn't really see anymore. the baby, grandmother's favorite, always got everything he wanted, probably still does. the type of person who has to be with someone who will take care of him. really into sports, plays softball all year long, and travels to out-of-town tournaments. avoids all family except brother #1 and . I usually only see him if he needs something from me or if I run into him accidentally or at the rare holiday get together. he gets bent out of shape if he's not invited to something but never shows up when he is invited. it's weird not seeing him, but I'm not surprised. he made a choice to leave us when we moved, I don't think he ever really came back.

step-sister #3: married, one boy, our godson. she is the true baby. when our families moved in together, she was five. my earliest memory of her is coming home from school every day to her sitting in front of the television, watching The Neverending Story. every day. sometimes three or four times a night. talk about never ending. we didn't get along for quite a few years but that was because of my immaturity and her brattiness. she's still a brat but in the good way, if such a thing is possible. we are really close too. how could I not love the person who introduced me to Brian? but I loved her before that, we are great friends and sisters. we have way too much in common, considering the fact that she is twelve years younger than me. and we always have so much fun together. she makes me laugh all the time. I would do anything for her.

husband and kids post to follow soon. don't want everyone here to fall asleep. sorry if it's too late!