okay, so I moved the blog. hopefully everyone will find their way here. I sent out about five emails tonight before I got too tired and decided to send the rest tomorrow. sorry to all for the ponderous address, but all the good short ones were taken :) I had to go into hiding because people from my real life were getting a little too close for comfort. or so I imagine.

anyway, here are the pictures of the boy's awesome wallpaper, as vaguely promised:





the first picture is in the stairway to the bedroom, the second one is the wallpaper in the upstairs bedroom. aren't they both awesome? I seriously love them.

and now I'm off to bed...

random info

I think the dog ate a bean burrito from Taco Bell yesterday. Casey left one the kitchen table and the dog had the worst gas ever all afternoon and evening. it really was terrible, I bet she felt awful too.

*************************************************************************
hubby has his MRI today, for that head twitching thing that isn't going away. did I mention that his neurologist said that Botox is the preferred treatment for things like that? it's kinda' funny but probably not likely for a while because insurance companies don't like to pay for it.

*************************************************************************
Maribeth has an incredibly moving post up today about her daughter. it's beautiful and tragic and made me cry. you should be reading her post instead of this crappy one.

*************************************************************************
the boy got a job last week at Wal-Mart! his first day was yesterday. I'm not sure what he'll be doing but I hope he likes it. in other good news, he and his cousin and a friend of theirs moved into a house together this weekend. their friend's dad owns the house so they didn't have to pay a deposit or have the utilities hooked up. he is the baby of the family so his mom bought them all kinds of new stuff, like a vacuum and a microwave and pretty much everything they might need. I think she bought them groceries too.

it's a pretty sweet deal for the boy. that kind of thing doesn't happen very often, if ever. basically he got to move in for free because his cousin paid the rent for him. they're all very excited and the house is pretty nice. I took a couple of pictures that I'll try to post tonight. there is some kick ass wallpaper upstairs that you just have to see :)

*************************************************************************
I guess that's about it. I'm moving my blogger address tonight, I think. so let me know if you want the new one. hell, I'll probably give it to you even if you don't ask for it so never mind.

noise aversion

why are there so many people in the office today? I had to come in this weekend and do some end-of-month work (and make up some hours I missed earlier in the week). I expected it to be pretty empty and quiet. it's neither of those things. especially in my area. and the people who are here are loud and talking on cell phones and pissing me off. I should have stayed home.

I hate noise. it doesn't even have to be especially loud. the noise I'm making right now, typing this post, is annoying. people talking louder than necessary, commercials on television, that crunching sound cereal makes when you eat it, the sound you hear when a car window isn't rolled up all the way...it drives me insane. not all noise, just when it's unnecessary. loud music is okay, as long as I like the music. laughter, I love the sound of laughter. I even laugh loudly myself sometimes. okay, lots of times :)

you know, I swear I had a point when I started this post. it seems to have gotten lost. I'm just irritated and I didn't dress warmly enough today so I'm freezing and extra irritable. it's Sunday, dammit. I should be at home, enjoying a qiuet morning, eating a nice breakfast with hubby and watching stupid stuff on tv instead of being at work, freezing my ass off. that what I get for not coming in yesterday. then again, the noise would have probably been worse. working on weekends sucks. hey! I found my point!!!

change is good

I think I might need to change my blogger address soon. if you want the new link, let me know. I probably won't get around to it for a few days, but it's probably going to happen. anonymity = good sometimes :)

blocked

I'm having trouble posting lately. I'm not sure why. I think it's mostly because there's not a whole lot going on in my life right now. things are pretty quiet and any trauma or stress I was going through earlier this month is over, thankfully. we're starting to save up money for a trip to Vegas in October for Brian's birthday so we aren't really doing a whole lot. working, hanging out with the kids, staying home, relaxing. it all sounds so boring, doesn't it? I guess that's the price I pay for normalcy. it's a fair trade :)

you're mean

it's funny to me when I tell hubby he's mean. because it usually involves him teasing me about something ridiculous I've just done or said, which happens a lot. truthfully, he's never mean. to me or anyone else. he's so nice that he doesn't even play SORRY with us that often because he feels bad when he has to move us back to start. it's so sweet, I love that about him!!!

it does remind me how lucky I am to be married to someone who isn't actually mean. because I've been in that situation twice before. apparently I'm a slow learner. but it was all worth it.

hmmmm...

I think I might need to send in a postcard to postsecret sometime soon. not just because it's cool, but because I bet it's so liberating.

good news/bad news/other news

good news: hubby got a promotion at work and a raise! it's so exciting. he works in the office now, or he will in the next few days or so. I'm really so happy for him, because working in the shop made him miserable. and he deserves this, because he is just so smart and he's been a good and loyal employee there forever. plus it's good experience. so yay!

bad news: my brother's stupid girlfriend wrote me a check last week to pay me back for the $100 I lent to her. it f'ing bounced! of course since then, they've broken up. again. and she isn't even attempting to pay me back. so I had to file a stupid police report and have to see someone in the Prosecutor's office on Friday if I want my money. not that there's a guarantee that I'll get it even after I go to all that trouble. but $100 is worth the effort. $110 if I add in the fee from my bank. NEW POLICY: lend money to no one.

other news: my work is moving to a new building tomorrow. which means we get to take half a day off! it will be neat to have a new desk/cubicle on Monday. I know...I'm a dork.

we're ordinary

when hubby and I first started seeing each other, it was magic. like fate. we were so perfectly suited for each other. everyone around us could tell instantly. we could be in a room full of people and get lost in one another. we finished each other's sentences or said the same thing at the same time. we always knew what the other one was thinking.

it was like a movie or a novel, seriously. I had never experienced anything like it. we moved in together after dating for five months and neither of us had ever been happier. when we were apart I would almost count the minutes until I saw him again. we would talk on the phone, send emails, and text message constantly. a year later, he asked me to marry him. and I said yes.

we set the date. it was the second anniversary of our first date. the wedding was wonderful. a short yet meaningful ceremony followed by a casual yet beautiful reception with our families and friends. everything was perfect. we were so much in love and so happy. nothing could touch us.

fast forwarding to the present (fifteen months later), things are still great. I've never been happier. he is even more amazing than before. but the magic isn't quite as magical as it was in the beginning. that spark, that thing that made us feel like we were the first and only people to feel the way we did, is almost gone. real life and real worries and bills and family and all that other bullshit have forced their way into our world and created the tiniest of spaces between us. and just like that, we're ordinary.

we annoy each other, we voluntarily spend time apart. we go days, even weeks, without emailing each other. our timing is off, I don't always know what he's thinking now. we've actually had a fight. we're a happily married couple just like all the other happily married couples we know. how shocking!

he didn't like it at all when I shared that discovery with him the other day. he tried to deny it but we both know the truth. honestly though, I think it's kinda' cool. because nothing in my life has been ordinary before. I do miss it, that little spark, but I guess it was inevitable.

he still makes me the happiest person in the whole world. he can make me smile without even trying. I still get excited when he walks through the door. I miss him whenever we're not together. I love him with all of my heart. we still have the best relationship of any couple I know, it's no contest. we just have to work at us a little harder than we did before. there's nothing wrong with that. or with being ordinary.

I wonder if everyone starts out like we did. I sure hope so.

200

oh wow, that last post was my 200th. I'm really full of it! only about 5 of them are any good :)

while I didn't notice my post count, one thing I have noticed is that I've developed this habit of ducking down at my desk whenever my boss' boss is in my area. hiding from her, because I am apparently her new favorite. this is a good thing and a bad thing. good because she could/would definitely help me move up in the company if I wanted to and she could get me some more money. it's good because it means that she knows I'm good at my job and that I am a person who can get things done quickly and correctly.

it's bad because she is very demanding and expects things to be done right away. bad because she is good at putting a person on the spot and doesn't always remember that she has given you five projects that are due at the same time. but she's mostly fair and I think she's easy to work with (even if most people don't) so it's more good than bad I guess. when I'm extra busy though - like I am this week - I try to stay out of her sight as much as possible. wouldn't you know, that's when I seem to run into her the most...

soooooo tired today...stayed up late, late, late talking to hubby in bed. it was nice, we talked about lots of stuff that we really needed to talk about. I always feel so much better about everything after we talk.

the boy might finally have a job. I'm so excited! unfortunately, it's just at Walmart but at least it's better than having him sitting at home on the computer all day. plus he'll be making some money, which he really needs. so yay!


I got a new t-shirt on Friday. two actually, but I couldn't find a picture of the second one. I love this one though! the other one is a pink tank with that Rolling Stones mouth on it that says "The Rolling Stones" in black. it's pretty cute. and it was on clearance, so yay to that too!

I probably shouldn't have spent the money on either of them but it's been forever since I've bought something for myself. this shirt will be the next one I get. I know...you don't have to say it. but I can't help it, I heart Harry!

got myself a decent little review over at the Bloggy Awards. it's funny because it's true. especially the part where the reviewer says that some of my posts have "a melancholic tone of impending doom..." that's frickin' hilarious!

seriously though, it was a nice review. and I do appreciate it. check it out, if you have the time. the reviewer actually takes the time to check out your site for more than a minute, which is pretty cool. I mean, if this person found his or her way to a positive post in the midst of this manic-depressive mess, it must have taken a while :)

brokeback mountain

my sister and I saw Brokeback Mountain yesterday afternoon. it was such an incredible movie. everything good I had heard about it was true, it was beautifully shot, well-acted and touching. the love story was completely believable and I'm still thinking about the characters more than 24 hours later.

of course we couldn't get either of our husbands to see it with us, which was probably for the best. I was distracted enough by the couple in their 70s that was sitting beside us. as soon as they sat down, I knew that they had no idea what the movie was actually about. and as soon as the first love scene started, the husband started squirming around in his seat, whispering things to his wife.

I felt bad for them. because they obviously didn't intend to put themselves in that situation. and because I couldn't help but giggle at their predicament behind my hand. poor old guy did a lot of squirming :) but they were mostly respectful and did stay for the entire movie, much to my surprise.

the story itself reminded me of a situation in my own life, trying to live a life that you didn't really believe in. trying to hold on to a few small moments of happiness that you managed to find with someone in the same situation as you. it's not enough though, two half-lives don't equal a whole one. but it does make for a great movie!

sober post

I'm so glad I didn't get online when I got home last night. we spent the evening at my youngest sister's house playing board games and having a few drinks. at least that was the plan. we only actually played one game and didn't even follow the rules, so technically, we all just sat around and drank and laughed and acted stupid. it was fun. for me. apparently Brian had a headache and was ready to leave at least an hour before we left.

I hate it when that happens. because I feel like I was being too self-centered to realize that he wasn't enjoying himself. and I feel like he was just sitting there being miserable without telling me and probably feeling resentful about me not noticing him being miserable. I didn't even know he had a headache until we went to bed and he, uh, you know, turned me down when I asked him if he wanted to have sex. so yeah, I got the "not tonight, dear. I have a headache." excuse. at least it was true!

still, it isn't fun to be rejected, no matter the reason. and my fragile little ego can't handle even the slightest hint of rejection. so I feel bad about me and about us and always assume that something is wrong that he's not telling me. I blow things out of proportion and get depressed and each night it gets worse and worse.

yeah, doesn't it sound like a treat to be married to me? who wouldn't want to have sex with a mess like that? and isn't this post the best one yet? now imagine if I had written it last night...scary.

so confused

I wish people didn't have to change. I wish things could've stayed the same. can I have a rewind button? I'd like to go back to a time when things weren't so messed up. but I bet I'd end up right here again. because I don't learn.

got some good traffic yesterday from someone in Iowa doing an MSN search for "far from good blog." I'm glad s/he wasn't disappointed!!!

ps - I heart Deni Bonet. she's hilarious and sweet and talented and all kinds of other good stuff :)

work kicked my ass hard-core today. and I was already feeling mixed up and tired and just completely out of it. great day for a crisis, huh? and an almost-mental breakdown. don't you wish you worked with me?

my lunch disgusts me almost as much as I disgust myself today.

yay!!!

my statcounter finally hit 10,000! I really am so excited, but I don't know why. I put that thing up in May and have been obsessed with it ever since. I love seeing the numbers go up, I love knowing that people are reading my stupid posts. and I am so thankful to everyone who has spent any of their time here when they could have been looking at porn. you guys are the best :)

Happy New Year!!!

last night was so much fun! too much fun judging by the way I feel today :) it started out rocky, because my brother was there, upset because his "girlfriend" was messing with his head and his heart. it killed me to see my carefree, happy brother crying over some stupid bitch who isn't worth crying over. he came to the bar with us but left after about an hour. I hated seeing him like that. and it was really hard to enjoy myself knowing that he was home alone, upset. but I knew that I was ruining everyone else's good time by sitting at our table crying so I tried to get over it. and after a few drinks, I did manage to forget for the night.

we went with a bunch of friends and family to see my brother-in-law's band play at a local bar. it's always so much fun going to their shows. and this was especially fun because it was within walking distance from my sister's house, where we all stayed last night. it was great not to have to worry about driving home. and we had been looking forward to this night for weeks.

the band sounded great, all our favorite people were there. I took literally 100 pictures. some of them were really good, some of them were really funny and some were terrible. I love my digital camera. there was champagne and food at midnight and everyone had such a good time. we got "home" at about 2:30 and Brian and I immediately went to sleep.

the next morning, Brian made breakfast for those who could stand to eat and then we all sat around in my sister's living room for three hours, looking at everyone's digital pictures and telling stories that some of us had forgotten. it was the perfect way to spend the morning after such a crazy night. we came home at about 1:00 and we've been relaxing and recovering all day. I am so glad we both have tomorrow off from work. otherwise, I'd be in bed already.

tomorrow afternoon/night we're going back to my sister's to watch the Fiesta Bowl (Go BUCKS!). I highly doubt that any of us will feel like having a beer. I know I won't! but it's still going to be fun watching the game with them. she and her husband are my favorite people in the whole world to hang out with, other than Brian and the kids. plus there's already a big pot of chili waiting for us. can't wait!