five senses

I feel: my mouse and keyboard.

I hear: a cricket and a typewriter. Is the cricket typing?

I see: this post and pictures of my family and friends.

I smell: Mexican food. It's making me hungry.

I taste: Tradewinds Green Tea with honey. Yummy :)

"Some people" think they're blogging too much. I'm not blogging enough. When I post every day, that seems cool. When I post more than once a day, it's usually all bullshit. When I go days without posting, it seems like I don't have anything to say at all. It's so hard to find that balance.

Work has calmed down, thankfully. We're not required to work this weekend, although we can if we want/need to. I'm going to pass on the overtime. I usually do. Because work can't pay me enough to spend that much time away from Brian and the girls. Last weekend sucked. I feel like I missed the whole thing. Screw that! It's not worth it. Nothing is, in my opinion.

It's Cate's last few hours here so hurry up and click the thumbnail! I feel bad for not posting more frequently this week and begging you all to visit her. I'm a sucky landlord :(

So fucking busy this week. Mandatory overtime this weekend and next weekend, so far. That's what I get for taking a four-day weekend last week. Actually, I won't be here doing my own work, another department is behind and we all have to help them. I hate that...making up for other people not doing what they're supposed to do. Not very "team player" of me, I know. But today, I really don't care.

Oh yeah, please go visit Cate (click on the thumbnail below my profile). I'll give you a dollar!

my first renter

So I'm giving this "Rent My Blog" thing a try. It's a Blog Explosion feature. Last week I rented space from Moonshine, which was fun. I got some good traffic, even if most of it was from Izzy herself :)

This week I'm renting out space. And my very first renter is also one of my very favorite bloggers, Cate from Snozzberries! Her blog is equal parts snarkiness and silliness and there are tons of overshares, pop culture references and pictures. What more could a reader want? For 10 credits, she probably doesn't expect too much. But please do me a favor and click on the thumbnail just below my profile. I guarantee she'll make you laugh!

ps - I'm trying to properly capitalize my sentences, etc. in honor of Cate's visit. She is quite the grammar, spelling and punctuation nazi. In the good way :)

long time, no blog

I feel like I haven't been here in forever, even though I did post on Thursday. I have no excuse either, this is day four of a four-day weekend for me. it was a really lovely weekend, which may be why I wasn't online much. the girls had Friday and today off from school too, so that was nice. Brian took Friday off so he could join in the long weekend hijinks.

we visited my parents Friday afternoon, and ended up watching old home videos for about three hours. it was fun and funny and we had a good time there. my mother went back to the doctor this week and it looks like the diagnosis so far is Alzheimer's. this is bad news obviously, but at least we know what the problem is, which I consider a step in the right direction. and even if there's nothing we can do about it, at least we know what we're up against.

yeah, okay, that story kinda' took the wind out of my sails. plus I'm getting tired. back to the Olympics...

duh.

every weekday morning, I get up at 6am, take a shower and watch the news on the couch with Brian until it's time for him to leave for work. then I wake up Hannah and get ready for work. Casey gets up at 6am too, but she just eats breakfast, goes to her room, shuts her door and takes about 20 minutes to get dressed. I like our mornings, and I really enjoy having a few quiet moments before the day starts.

this morning wasn't so quiet though. a commercial came on for a local ski resort, Mad River Mountain and at the end of the commercial, they listed the following web address:

www.skimadriver.com

I told Brian I didn't get it. what does "skim a driver" even mean? he gave me a funny look, and a second later I figured it out...Ski Mad River. duh. at first he thought I was kidding. when I told him I was serious, he spent the rest of the morning laughing about it. so much for the quiet :)

silly girls

the girls decided to learn to knit this weekend. all spur of the moment and everything. I know the basics, thanks to some 4-H when I was a kid, but hadn't done any knitting since junior high. Saturday afternoon we bought an instruction book, some needles and yarn and went home to practice. for hours.



Hannah caught on pretty quickly but Casey struggled a little bit and gave up. I think she'll give it another chance though, once she isn't feeling so frustrated. Hannah loves it, she's learned a ton of stitches and has already requested circular needles, which I got her for Valentine's Day. we've been watching Knitty Gritty on the DIY channel every time we can catch it. she's really into it, which is surprising. anyone who knows Hannah would probably not expect her to knit. but I think that's part of the reason she decided to do it. don't they look so cute?

two months old today

if this picture doesn't make you smile...














there's something wrong with you :)

our godson/nephew is two months old today. he's the smiliest kid I ever saw. Casey called him a smiling fool on Sunday. it's funny cuz it's true!

moving on

thanks everyone, for your sympathy and support. I really appreciate all the kind words. things at work are slowly getting back to normal, which is quite a relief after last week. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday are all tied for the worst work days I've ever had. each one was difficult and exhausting in its own unique way. I spent the weekend not doing a whole lot, other than spending time with hubby and the girls. I slept a lot, and reflected a lot. and even though I still feel the loss of my friend, I've made peace with the fact that she is gone.

I still have a lot of guilt though, everyone here that was close to her does. we all regret that we didn't do more to reach out to her when we knew she was having personal problems. we regret not recognizing that she was depressed to the point where she thought suicide was the only option.

we met with a grief counselor on Friday, who said that people who commit suicide don't usually do it as a spur of the moment decision. that they think it out, plan it out and then carry it out later, when the opportunity arises. I'm not sure I believe that. and I wonder if maybe the thought that it was inevitable is just a ploy to make the rest of us feel better. so we can sleep better at night thinking, "even if I had called her on Tuesday, it wouldn't have made a difference." I don't know...

her family was not from Ohio so there is no funeral for us to attend. I think some of her friends here might be holding a small memorial service some time this week. it will be nice to be able to say goodbye. and I think she would have liked that.

devastation

for all that I pretend that I don't really like people, it's really not true. fear of rejection and ridicule is really what keeps me from having more friends than I do. plus I don't like to let people get too close, because those closest to you can do the most damage if they choose. it's my loss really, I probably miss out on a lot by being so closed up.

yesterday, a wonderfully smart, funny, sweet, kind, thoughtful, peace-loving girl from my work killed herself. we all found out about three hours ago. I knew she was having some problems outside of work. but no one here had any idea how bad it was. obviously, those of us that were close to her are shocked and devastated.

she was one of the few work-people I knew that I considered a friend. I'm glad she knew that. she and I went through a two-month training class together when she first started working here. we answered phones together for about six-months after that. since our office moved last month, she sat on the other side of my cubicle. I could hear her on the phones every day.

it's so tragic and senseless and almost unbelievable. I can't think straight, can barely get any work done. I look at the same piece of paper again and again. my eyes burn from all the tears I've cried so far today. I just keep shaking my head in disbelief, I'm stunned.

I don't think I've ever personally known anyone who committed suicide. it's a completely different kind of grief.

UPDATE

I took a fake sudafed about an hour ago and feel like I'm about to pass out. I never take medicine so even the weakest pills make me feel all weird and hazy.

I made a word cloud. because I think they're funny.

not dead, just dying

man, I feel so terrible. Hannah was sick last week (missed three days of school) and now I must have gotten whatever she had because I am so sick. unfortunately, the first of the month is waaaaay busy so I can't take time off to stay home in bed. that's right. I'm at work, spreading the germs. that's what happens when you don't have a backup, which I've been asking for since October 2003. oh well! other people were sick at work last week and the week before that so the germs were already here before I got sick. so I didn't start it, but I'm not helping either.

we had a lovely weekend, spent lots of time with the kids and some time alone with hubby. we had people over for the Super Bowl on Sunday. what a boring game. plus Seattle got screwed by the refs big time. but we had a good time anyway, hanging out with our favorite people, eating yummy food and yelling at the television :) and I did a ton of scrapbooking, which was awesome.

so yeah, working and this cold or whatever are kicking my ass. good news though: I have an interview with my boss's boss tomorrow for a supervisory position here. I'm sure a million people applied so odds are, I won't get it. not because I'm not qualified (which I totally am) but because most of the other people have been here forever. still, it will be good practice and there's always a chance that I'll get it. so wish my luck with that! and if you want, you can send me some soup and hot tea to make me feel better.

new name, new look

so I moved the blog and updated the template all in the same week. Blog Explosion doesn't like that and won't give me a new thumbnail for 7 days so I'll still get to look at the old template until then. that's cool, I still like that template :) I like this one too, even if it's a bit grey. the original color was a neat green-ish one but I was having trouble with it so I changed it to this one. maybe I'll fix it sometime. maybe not.

we had my parents over for dinner tonight. it was yummy, of course. hubby made ribs and my mom made a cake. I should make more of an effort to see them. it's just hard sometimes, not only because of my resentment towards anyone who was a part of my childhood but also because her memory is getting worse and worse and it frustrates me that she isn't taking care of herself. she told us three times in about an hour that their neighbors moved. good news, though, they're finally going back to the doctor to get more tests run. hopefully, she'll be able to get some sort of diagnosis and then some help.

so the night turned out much better than I thought. we'll have to do that again sometime soon. Brian loves cooking for other people. he's so wonderful.

is it Friday yet?

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